Conflict at work? Talk it up.
Let’s face it. A workplace can be a breeding ground for conflict. Companies are made up of people who all have different backgrounds, personalities, styles, goals, attitudes and values. And when we all come together, disagreements and misunderstandings can definitely arise.
And that’s not always a bad thing. When handled correctly, these issues can lead to great opportunities. But when mismanaged, they can lead to a breakdown in culture, creativity and productivity and an uptick in turnover.
So, what’s the right way to handle conflict? Communication plays a key role. But it’s much more than just talking about an issue. In our course, ConflictStop, we teach that one of the first steps in trying to resolve a conflict is to “Go Below the Line.”
So, what the heck is that? It simply means that in addition to recognizing an issue, you also must “go below the line” to identify the interests of the people involved. An interest is a person’s needs and motivation, like ego, fears, values, self-worth, recognition, and love. These interests are what causes people to take strong positions on issues that can create conflict.
You can communicate the right way if you identify these interests, as well as the issue.
Types of Interests
Each year, we train hundreds of business leaders, lawyers, insurance professionals, healthcare professionals, sales personnel and managers to separate interests from issues. Through the years, we’ve identified four major interests.
1. Personal Interests
Personal interests involve people’s fears, feelings, motives, values, attitudes, reputation, and sense of self-worth. Each personal interest affects the agreements a party is willing to make.
2. Process Interests
Process interests concern the procedures used to reach an agreement. A party may be concerned, for example, that the process is fair to all parties.
3. Substantive Interests
Substantive interests relate to the issues of the conflict and the positions the parties take.
4. Relationship Interests
Relationship interests concern the dealings between the parties.
How to Communicate When Solving a Problem
Now, you’ve learned to recognize these interests, it’s time to communicate. Here are a few simple tips to help you get started.
Don’t Jump in Headfirst
It might sound odd to say part of communication is not actually communicating at all, well at least at first, but it’s true. We always suggest that you resist the initial temptation to discuss disagreement over issues until you figure out each persons’ interests and motives behind an issue. As Stephen Covey puts it, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
The key to capturing the below-the-line interests is asking questions like a counselor would. By using “what” and “how” questions, you can learn the reasons behind the positions. The questions asked should invite the other person to share information. They should be open-ended and begin with phrases like, “tell me about …” or “help me understand …”
Questions that begin with “why” should be avoided. “Why” questions have a tendency to put people in a defensive posture. When people are defensive, they will naturally close up and be reluctant to openly share.
Listen Actively
You can’t communicate well if you don’t actually know what’s going on in a conversation. That means you have to listen actively instead of spending all of your time trying to come up with a response. It the only way to gain a better understanding of what’s going on.
Ask When You Don’t Understand
Like we said above, asking questions will really help you get to the root of a problem. But it’s also imperative to ask questions to clarify what’s being said. It will show that you are really focused on the issue and that you’re generally interested in coming up with a solution or working things out for everyone involved.
Don’t Go Down the Rabbit Hole
For the majority of us, the first response to an uncomfortable or tough conversation is to change the subject. Stay the course by addressing the problem at hand and avoid jumping into additional issues, even if they are related.
Never Get Personal
Any kind of personal attack will immediately put the other person on the defensive and result in them either walking out, giving the same back to you or shutting down. No matter how much you disagree, keep your cool and remain calm. Watch your pitch and tone too, as well as body language. You may not say something you’ll regret, but your voice and body will definitely let someone know you’re not happy. It’s like author Ambrose Bierce once said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Respect the person or people you are talking to and yourself, too.
Be Empathetic
This might be hard sometimes, especially if tempers are flaring or you’re hearing tough stuff you really don’t want to learn about yourself. But be empathetic. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand their feelings and perspectives. It will broaden your own viewpoint and help everyone involved come up with solutions.
Where To Go From Here
Conflict is just a natural part of the workplace. It’s how you handle it, including communication, that makes all difference on whether you move forward or back.
The Lowry Group, LLC (TLG) is the outgrowth of almost three decades of experience helping organizations achieve their next level of success throughout the United States and around the world, including conflict resolution. TLG’s work began as an external consulting, systems design, and training resource composed of faculty from the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University School of Law. But TLG has moved beyond its academic roots to respond to repeated requests from corporate and government organizations for “real world” assistance. The TLG team has been chosen by scores of major organizations that must become more effective in negotiating sales, business transactions, client relationships and disputes.
Conflict is an inherent part of life. Left unchecked, however, it can bring even the biggest and well-intentioned organizations to heel. What makes companies and individuals truly successful is the ability to ably manage conflict. We created ConflictStop as the only resource you need to identify, resolve, and manage conflict. From CEOs to small business owners, and to anyone managing a team – developing the skills to navigate conflict is not just important, it’s imperative.